WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the presidential race heating up for the summer campaign season, the White House asked migrants to hold off on raping and murdering any more Americans until after the election.
As more and more incidents of violent criminal acts perpetrated by migrants have drawn attention to the Biden administration's immigration policies, Karine Jean-Pierre politely asked migrants to wait until after the November election before carrying out any more horrific rapes and murders.
"We'd really appreciate it," said the gay and black White House Press Secretary who is black and gay. "While we understand that many of you are eager to continue raping and murdering American citizens, we do ask that you wait until after November 5 to do any more. We thank you for your patience."
Though public outrage continued to mount as more violent acts made news headlines across the country, Jean-Pierre emphasized the need for discretion while the election played out. "Everyone likes to make summer plans," she said. "But we hope our incoming migrants can understand the importance of postponing their raping and murdering plans until the election is over. Otherwise, they may end up actually facing consequences for their actions, and none of us want that to happen."
When asked whether migrants who commit violent crimes would face any repercussions if Biden is re-elected, Jean-Pierre pulled the fire alarm and evacuated the building.
At publishing time, White House officials informed incoming migrants that for every vote for Joe Biden they cast in November, they would be allowed to commit one free heinous act against an innocent American citizen.
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