JACKSONVILLE, FL - Devoted parents Luke and Mary Winthrop have voiced their support for the parental rights bill that was signed into law by Gov. Ron DeSantis last week. They hope the law finally puts an end to their children being exposed to inappropriate information and instruction on sex, even though their child (age 6) has his own smartphone with unrestricted access to the Internet.
'We need to protect our kids from inappropriate teaching on sex," said Luke Winthrop, who recently purchased a $900 phone for his son. "I'm relieved we don't have to worry about that anymore."
Mary Winthrop agreed. "I'm so glad we can rest easy knowing our son will never be exposed to horrific and psychologically damaging sexual depravity, thanks to Ron DeSantis."
Sources say their son Johnny already has a TikTok account with 100,000 followers and spends his evenings chatting with all his friends in various chat rooms. Thanks to Apple's innovative technology, Johnny is also able to send his GPS coordinates to his TikTok followers so they can send him letters and candy. His parents say they are thankful he has something to keep him quiet, giving them more time to look at their own smartphones.
"It's all above board," said his mother. "I glanced at his account once or twice. It's fine."
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.