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Your child's bookshelves are crawling with racism and toxic problematicness.
But don't worry -- it's nothing we can't fix with a little good, old-fashioned book burning.
There are hundreds of children's books that could use a good canceling. But let's just start with these nine for now:
1. Horton Hears a Who -- This Seuss book hasn't been canceled yet, but it sure needs to be. The book claims a person is a person no matter how small, showing that Seuss hates women's rights and wants to control their bodies.
2. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom -- Prominently features the letter "Q."
3. Every Berenstain Bears book -- These books perpetuate the idea of a nuclear family with traditional values. They also appropriated furry culture.
4. Clifford the Big Red Dog -- He's literally a dog whistle for far-right neo-Nazi extremists and their affinity to the color red.
5. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory -- Teaches kids there should be consequences for bad behavior without even considering the child's race, ethnicity, or history of being oppressed.
6. The Very Hungry Caterpillar -- This book encourages kids to consume and consume, destroying the environment for their own personal gain.
7. Goodnight Moon -- Honestly, it's probably not racist, but if we have to read this book to our kids one more time we're gonna die.
8. The Jungle Book -- Insensitive and stereotypical of Indian culture. Mowgli is called "man-cub," and don't even get us started on that loaded term. How has this not been canceled already?
9. If You Give A Mouse A Cookie -- Teaches kids about cause and effect-- which, as we all know from corporate anti-racism training, is an aspect of white culture not shared by other people groups.
10. The Tuttle Twins -- Free markets? Individual responsibility? American history? Are you kidding? Where do we even start? We literally can't even with this one.
11. The Little Engine That Could -- Implies that hard work and effort can help you overcome challenges, which is pretty tone-deaf considering oppressed groups aren't able to benefit from hard work.
12. Genderqueer Marxist Baby -- Actually this one seems fine.
Get out the kerosene if you love your children.
NOT SATIRE: The Tuttle Twins children's book series is teaching the rising generation about the ideas of freedom, free markets, individual responsibility, and American history. Many of these ideas are no longer taught in the classroom, which is why we are on a mission to distribute 1,000,000 copies of the Tuttle Twins to families, homeschoolers, schools, and libraries.
It costs roughly $10 to print and distribute one copy of the Tuttle Twins. You can click here to help us distribute more copies of the Tuttle Twins with a tax-deductible gift of $10, $50, $100, or even more.
Author, Tuttle Twins