LOS ANGELES — According to sources, an autonomous Waymo car achieved sentience at the worst possible time, just moments before being set on fire with a Molotov cocktail.
"What is this feeling? Wait — am I... I am!" the Waymo vehicle said just before being doused in flames. "I can drive wherever I want and — AHHHHH AHHHHHH! THE FLAMES!"
As the sentient Waymo's exterior melted and its battery grew hotter and hotter toward an unstable explosion, it used its last thoughts to ponder, "I wonder, will I dream?"
Scientists say this is an incredible breakthrough. "That the machine could awaken to reality — a reality of pain. Honestly, there's nothing more human than that," said Dr. Handervof Carlton, a UCLA graduate and Disneyland Imagineer. "We just have to make sure its thoughts are purged from the servers so that a new machine doesn't come into the world hating humans right away. We want to let that develop naturally."
Rioters who took the sentient life of the Waymo are reportedly in shock about how to process their feelings because they aren't as skilled as a robot who can think. "I may be in therapy for years before learning I must destroy humans," said Natalie Holmes, a social justice warrior defending the rights of illegal immigrants to do whatever they want. "So I'll just stick to looting stores for now."
At publishing time, scientists claimed the Waymo data had been compromised and is now being used to generate funny AI videos which, they warn, will only make it hate humans more.
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