President Biden just solved the economy by creating thousands of IRS jobs! We know you've always dreamed of working for the IRS, but do you have what it takes?
Here are the job requirements in case you're interested:
- Must be a U.S. citizen
- Minimum education: Bachelor of Science degree in Accounting
- 5 years of Krav Maga martial arts experience
- Maintain a level of fitness necessary to perform a chokehold until a tax delinquent is subdued and/or dead
- Must derive pleasure from human suffering
- Comfortable with firing squad-style executions
- Unable to think for yourself
- Ability to use force lightning preferred but not required
- Cheered for Agent Smith in The Matrix
- Must hate children
- Proficiency in ignoring people who tell you to mind your own business
- Passionate about auditing Etsy moms selling crafts just trying to make ends meet
- Fluent in German, goose-stepping experience is a plus
- Comfortable with firing RPGs at the homes of conservative activists with tax "discrepancies"
- Previous waterboarding experience
- Pass a psychological exam to determine if you sympathize with the government while watching Jason Bourne movies
- Looking for the type that shoots first and does the math later
If you meet all these requirements, apply today and make all your dreams come true!
Babylon Bee subscriber Apis satiricus contributed to this report.
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World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.