RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA—A self-checkout machine at a local Walmart store was selected to be honored as the employee of the month for the fifty-second month in a row, sources confirmed Thursday.
The checkout machine was recognized for its speedy service, inability to make mathematical errors, and lack of making small talk with customers.
"Honestly, Checkout Machine #5 is a dream employee," said store manager Glen Anderson. "#5 never complains, never calls in sick, never makes annoying small talk."
The machine didn't make a single error the entire month, yet again, worked full shifts all thirty-one days of the month, and never once took a smoke or lunch break. Customers, especially those with just a few items, reported they had delightful interactions with the employee and were able to get in the store and get out with little hassle thanks to Machine #5.
"It's the poster boy for how we want our employees to act around here and the kind of attitude everyone should have."
At publishing time, the kiosk was being considered for a managerial position.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.