SAN FRANCISCO, CA — To help recover losses from rampant, unprosecuted shoplifting in San Francisco, Walgreens is now letting customers round up their orders to help cover what was stolen that week.
"That will be $37.15. Would you like to round that up to an even $38?" said one cashier to a customer, according to sources. "That will help us cover the loss from Monday when 2 thieves dumped our entire cosmetics aisle into garbage bags and walked out freely to do it again next week!"
Walgreens execs confirmed the new "round up for restorative justice" campaign has seen moderate success, but thus far has been inadequate to help them completely recoup losses from operating in cities run by Soros-backed DAs.
"The problem is we only have 12 actual customers left in San Francisco," said Kelvin Kwok, the San Francisco District Manager. "Literally everyone else is shoplifting." Kwok's interview was cut short, however, when he was mugged by a group of shoplifters who had just exited the Walgreens.
At publishing time, Walgreens had elected to just fire all their cashiers and let everyone take whatever they wanted.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
