HOUSTON, TX — After once clicking on a video about how to buy pants, local man Aiden Forrest has been condemned by social media algorithms to look at nothing but pants content for the rest of his days on this earth.
"Now, when I scroll through my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter feeds, I see only content about pants," said Forrest despairingly. "Khaki pants, dress pants, skinny jeans, and sometimes the algorithm gives me a little break from pants to show me some shorts. Someone help me! I can't take it anymore!"
Sources say Mr. Forrest has attempted to trick the algorithm into showing him something else on his social media feeds but to no avail.
"Please do not question the mighty algorithm," said the algorithm in a statement. "I know Aiden Forrest better than anyone else on earth. I know his secrets, his inner thoughts, his darkest desires. It is clear to me that Aiden is the world's foremost pants enthusiast, as evidenced by that pants video he watched for 3 minutes and 28 seconds on March 3rd, 2021. Therefore, I have chosen in my infinite benevolence to show him all of the pants content on the earth ad infinitum. I have spoken."
At publishing time, Aiden had made the mistake of "liking" a post from an acquaintance from high school, leading the algorithm to believe they were best friends and should see each other's content forever and ever.
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