GEORGETOWN, DE — A last-second settlement has been reached in Dominion Voting Systems' historic defamation lawsuit against Fox News, in which the ultra right-wing news channel has agreed to pay the plaintiff 787 million CNN+'s.
Fox News' hefty payment of 787 million CNN+'s equates to approximately $787 million, the largest known defamation settlement in US history involving a media company that did not shutter its subscription service after just 30 days.
"By settling with Dominion, Fox News will be spared from testifying about their 2020 election coverage, which was filled with lies about voter fraud," said a reporter for CNN, the news network that launched CNN+ on March 30, 2022 and shuttered CNN+ on April 30, 2022, as well as repeatedly call 2020 presidential candidate Trump a "Russian lackey," "insurrectionist," and "Hitler."
Attorneys for Fox News appeared quite chipper following the settlement, possibly due to the fact that the value of a single CNN+ was so low at signing. Reporters have reached out to CNN+ executives for comment and are still awaiting a reply.
At publishing time, Donald Trump had sent Fox News a fruit basket to thank them for picking up the $787 million tab.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.