LAS VEGAS — Instead of a concert, Usher surprised the nation by using the Super Bowl halftime show to perform a live commercial for Old Spice antiperspirant.

"Are you someone who gets absolutely drenched with sweat after thirty seconds of light dancing?" asked Usher as sweat poured from his brow. "Oh, if only I had thought to use Old Spice antiperspirant, I wouldn't have soaked through three layers of clothing already!"

Usher then began to demonstrate the horrors of life without Old Spice antiperspirant by flinging copious amounts of sweat onto random strangers with every move of his body. Horrified onlookers screamed in disgust as Usher showered everyone on the field with stream after stream of sweat. Even the illustrious Lil' John got caught in a spray of sweat, causing him to say, "WHAT?!?"

At publishing time, the field playing surface had been declared unusable due to being completely sloshed with Usher's sweat.

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