Qatar Authorities Throw U.S. Soccer Team Off Top Of Building
Sports · Nov 21, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

QATAR — Twenty-four members of the US Men's Soccer team were thrown off the top of the Lusail Stadium today after defying Qatar authorities and wearing LGBTQ+ jerseys on the field. Twenty-four players died in the incident.

"We told them no rainbows," said Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani, Commander-in-Chief of the Qatar Armed Forces. "We tried to warn them that anyone caught doing any gay stuff in defiance of Islamic law would be chucked off the top of the stadium. It's right there in the handbook. Why didn't they listen?"

Sources say all 24 casualties died before hitting the pavement, as the strong wind was enough to kill them before they reached the ground.

"Wow, this is awful," said FIFA president Gianni Infantino. "We should have thought twice before holding the games in an Islamofascist country that oppresses women and members of the LGBTQ+ community while using brutal slave labor to construct its stadiums. Our bad on that one." After his statement, Qatar authorities promptly chucked Infantino off the top of the building.

Sources say the 24 deceased players will be replaced by members of the US Women's team. At publishing time, the women's team had also tragically been tossed off the building for refusing to cover their heads.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job:

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more guffaw-inducing chucklefests!

Comments

There are 92 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.