MILANO — The United States Ski Team showed exceptional teamwork this week, as they secured victory in the Synchronized Screaming About Trump event, just barely beating out Iran to win the gold.
Synchronized Screaming About Trump made its Olympics debut this year, modified from its summer counterpart to incorporate skiing in formation down the slope of Valletta Mountain while loudly complaining over the roar of the wind about the Commander-In-Chief of the Armed Forces.
"Trump is a racist!" screamed American freestyle skier Hunter Hess as he raced down the slope, carving out the image of a peace symbol in the fresh powder.
"Our team has worked hard to really hate Trump in preparation for the event. Lots of late nights watching Jimmy Kimmel while running the slaloms," said skier Chris Lillis. "Looks like all that hard work has finally paid off."
With the event in the bag and the ski team moving on to other events, some expected Trump-hating to take a backseat to representing the United States for the duration of the games. But, according to the U.S. team, those people would be wrong. "We hate America so much that we're going to throw every single event just to make Trump cry like a baby," Hess said while crying like a baby.
At publishing time, President Trump had revoked the citizenship of the U.S. Ski Team.
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