EDINA, MN — An alarming new study of Minnesota schools revealed that the average Somali high school senior is only committing fraud at a 5th-grade level.
While Minnesota's numbers still lead the nation, education experts said that the statistic was "a bad sign" for a state traditionally well-recognized for its students' fraud aptitude.
"It's quite worrisome — the average fraud level of Minnesota's Somali seniors has been slowly declining," warned Kaylee McCaulkins, who works for Minnesota's Department of Education. "We've been throwing everything we've got at them, short of opening daycares and learing centers for them ourselves, but it's so difficult to teach students who aren't getting it. Next thing you know, Ohio or Washington kids are going to start testing better than our Somali students."
Administrators and teachers have reportedly banded together to offer remedial classes in fraudulent dealings to Somali high schoolers with little access to resources.
"It would be such a shame to see this thriving culture die out, just because we teachers and educators couldn't step up to save it," said Gwendolynn Bierson, who teaches at Burnsville High. "I'm going to start offering extra credit for any of my Somali students who can demonstrate exceptional progress in fraud over the course of this semester."
At publishing time, another study had revealed terrifying news that over 80% of Minnesota seniors still had the same gender they were assigned at birth.
Coming soon to a Democrat-controlled city near you!
