WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of ongoing efforts to improve things in both countries, the United States reportedly made an official diplomatic offer to trade all of its liberal women for Iranian women.
According to highly placed sources, representatives of the State Department, including Secretary Marco Rubio, had engaged in high-level talks with officials from the Iranian government to lay out parameters for a trade that would send every liberal American woman to Iran in exchange for Persian women.
"It's a deal that makes too much sense not to happen," Rubio said in a brief statement to reporters. "In the United States, we're overrun with unpleasant, objectionable, hateful women of multi-colored hair. In Iran, they seek to oppress the rights of the beautiful Persian women. In light of the current state of affairs in both countries, making a historic trade is a viable solution. Just think about how much life would instantly improve in America with no more liberal women."
White House insiders confirmed that the idea for the swap originated with President Donald Trump. "Why don't we get rid of the nasty, ugly, liberal women and bring in hot Persian ladies?" Trump reportedly asked his advisors. "Everything would be great. Protests would disappear. Traffic would be less congested. They won't let the crazy liberal women go on social media in Iran. And those Persian women are beautiful, believe me. It's nothing but winning. Get it done, Marco."
At publishing time, Iranian officials were reportedly open to moving forward with the trade after realizing that Islamic law could hide all the unattractive liberal women under burqas and prevent them from participating in society.
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