MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Protesters hard at work sowing chaos in the city because of ICE raids and the death of Renee Good have reportedly transitioned over to protesting for a higher protesting wage.
"Protesting is hard. You have to make clever signs and chant and stuff," said Sheila Cotton, a middle-aged white woman with two trans babies at home. "We deserve fair pay!"
Fair and equal pay!" chimed in Molly Fern. "Female protestors only make 79 cents on the dollar for taunting police and blocking traffic. I say no more!"
Witnesses, however, confirm only a subtle distinction between leftists protesting ICE and those now protesting higher protest wages.
"They didn't even change their chant or signs," noted Bob Eagle, the only Republican living in Minnesota. "They just keep crying for justice and assume we know exactly what form of justice they are talking about. It's confusing."
According to sources, Open Society Foundations, a Soros-backed organization previously linked to last year's No Kings protests, is actively seeking non-union "scabs" to replace ICE protestors.
At publishing time, a faction of protestors protesting higher protesting wages broke off to protest higher protesting wages for people of color.
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