WASHINGTON, D.C. - Libs have tried to take down Donald Trump with impeachment, lockdowns, and coronavirus. Each of these attempts has backfired, with Donald Trump simply absorbing the attacks and growing more powerful.
With their latest assault, Dems conspired with Communist China to infect Trump with the coronavirus. They're really going to regret this one though, as Trump once again absorbed the energy of the attack and has now apparently unlocked near-invulnerability.
"Power! Unlimited power!" he cried as lightning crackled off his fingertips. "The power of liberal outrage is a pathway to many abilities most consider to be... unnatural." He then claimed to have unlocked the ability to heal people and bring them back from the dead through his newfound powers, though he said he's still working out the kinks, as he accidentally resurrected Hitler as a zombie.
He also quickly struck down the Green New Deal with his ultimate power, saying, "I have waited a long time for this moment, my green little friend," before blasting the proposal into charred scraps of paper with his lightning fingers. "HAHAHAHAHA!"
Trump has apparently acquired so much power that he dismissed the Senate, saying he no longer needs them to appoint justices to the Supreme Court. "I am the Senate!" he said.