SAN FRANCISCO - After parents in San Francisco overwhelmingly voted out their school board, a former school board member was spotted on a street corner with a cardboard sign which read, "Will Abuse Children 4 Food." The newly unemployed civil servant appeared disheveled after a restless night of not harming children through forced masking, sexual grooming in gender ideology, and Communist indoctrination.
"I'm a hard worker," said Olivia Nelson. "I will happily harm a child's developmental growth and transform them into obedient brain-dead lemmings for food! I'm even willing to rough them up a little."
According to sources, Nelson has set up shop in a highly trafficked area of Fisherman's Wharf, a place popular with tourists. Authorities believe she'll last there for about a week before she defecates in public and is forcibly relocated to Castro Street by police.
"We're not going to tolerate any homeless at Pier 39," said SFPD Chief Daryl Mates. "Abusing children is fine, but transients are just gross."
At publishing time, other former board members were seen begging Nancy Pelosi for their jobs back. The House Speaker reportedly pretended to have no idea who they were.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
