WAKE VILLAGE, TX - After being pressured to join a small group for the past three years, local church introvert Danny Miles finally found the perfect excuse. He simply told the pastor that he's already in the smallest group of all: one.

"Oh, you want me to join a small group? Well, I'm already in one. It's pretty great," he told the pastor. "We meet daily. There's no small talk, just lots of thinking. We don't waste any time with pleasantries. We're constantly with each other, like all the time."

He also told the pastor his small group was much more effective because of its size.

"See, if your small group starts to balloon to 2, 3, or even 4 people, you just don't get that intimate one on zero relational connection that Christians so desperately need," he said. He also confirmed the small group always starts on time and doesn't even have an annoying running group text.

"It's pretty much the perfect setup," he said.