Unclear How Bad Attack Is Until Authorities Release Details Of Everyone's Skin Color
U.S.

U.S.—According to media reports, there has been a horrific attack. As of now, it is unclear how bad the attack is, or whether anyone should care about it-- since authorities have not yet released the skin colors of the perpetrator and the victims. 

"It's possible this could be a horrific mass tragedy we will talk about for years to come," said one news anchor. "On the other hand, it may just be a run-of-the-mill local news story that we'll forget by tomorrow since it doesn't fit the narrative we are trying to sell right now. For the time being, please be sure to assume this attack confirms all your most horrific biases about the state of our country. Stay tuned for more details-- unless we decide you don't really need to hear more details."

Already, social media is buzzing with speculation and anger, confirming everything everyone already knew about how horrible the groups of people who they think are so horrible really are. 

"Not surprised," said one American. "This is America-- the country where the exact people I hate are as horrible as I thought they were."

The media has assured they will probably just hold off on reporting further details until the preferred narrative has had time to run its course. 

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