U.S. — For the first time since 1972, pre-born babies are celebrating Independence Day as their human rights have finally been recognized in several states. According to sources, future doctors, explorers, artists, inventors, mothers, and fathers are currently in utero celebrating the July 4th festivities with their fellow human beings. Historians believe this day will be looked upon as a new chapter in a better, more righteous, and more just America.
At publishing time, several thousand more babies in blue states confirmed they hope to celebrate Independence Day in the future — if they survive.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
