IRVINE, CA — Leaders at a local church made a difficult decision in preparation for this weekend's services, as an unattractive worship leader was officially reassigned to serve at the church's satellite campus.
The staff of Living Waters Life Church met earlier this week to discuss potential solutions to the issue of assistant worship leader Evan Ingram's unpleasant appearance, with the pastoral team eventually opting to send him to sing in front of the lowly satellite campus congregants.
"Sorry, we just can't have someone who looks like you on the main stage," Senior Pastor Dane Griffin reportedly told Ingram. "We're a pretty decent-sized church here, and we have a certain standard to uphold. We've got all the right elements of a killer worship team — professional-quality musicians, concert lighting, theater-grade fog machines — but we can't afford to have a worship leader who isn't attractive. But, hey, the satellite campus needs someone to lead them into the presence of God."
Other members of the staff were in agreement with the decision. "Look, we all love Evan," said Youth Pastor Chet Chambers. "We appreciate what he brings to the table… from a musical standpoint. He just doesn't really represent the visual image we want to portray to our members. It's tough to get into worshiping God when the leader is… you know… ugly. He sounds great, though. Bless you, Evan."
At publishing time, the pastoral staff had reportedly also agreed to put a backup plan in place in the event satellite congregants have trouble with Ingram's unattractiveness, with the idea of relegating him to performing only on the church's weekly audio podcast.
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