ALBANY, NY—After the New York State Legislature voted to greatly expand abortion rights all the way up until the point of birth Tuesday, doctors quickly ordered echocardiograms on every lawmaker who voted for the bill, but tragically, no heartbeats were found by any of the ultrasounds.
Physicians desperately searched the chest cavities of the legislators for any sign of a heartbeat but found only a black void where normal human beings have a heart.
"Not a single one of these legislators appears to have a heart," said one doctor gravely. "This is a known medical condition. When you try to justify the murder of infants, you slowly sear your conscience. As a side effect, your heart begins to harden. Finally, it becomes pure stone and eventually withers away into nothing, leaving you with a black void: a husk of a human."
"It's really the only way you could possibly cheer on something like the murder of babies," he added as he performed another cardiac ultrasound. "Nope, this one's coming up negative too: just blackness where normal people have a heart."
Doctors also ordered blood tests but found only cold hatred running through the veins of every legislator who voted to further oppress the unborn.