Uh Oh: Trump Nominates Unknown Spanish Economist Ronaldo Paulino As Fed Chair

Politics · Jan 30, 2026 · BabylonBee.com
Image for article: Uh Oh: Trump Nominates Unknown Spanish Economist Ronaldo Paulino As Fed Chair

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise choice to succeed Jerome Powell when his term expired in the spring, President Donald Trump nominated an unknown Spanish economist named Ronaldo Paulino as chairman of the Federal Reserve.

According to administration insiders, Trump made the choice after a brief meeting with Paulino at the White House, from which he came away impressed with Paulino's knowledge of the Fed's history and ideas for its future.

"He knew a lot about the Fed for being a foreigner," Trump later told reporters after announcing the nomination. "He's also got a very nice mustache, I must say. Very nice. Not enough nice mustaches in the world these days, have you noticed that? A lot of mustaches, but not many good ones. That's a shame. But he's got a good one. And he's got big plans for the Federal Reserve, believe me."

Paulino spoke briefly with the media, but seemed to be a man of few Spanish words. "Um… Acabar con la Reserva Federal," he said. "The Fed es… eh… muy, muy malo, comprende?" Witnesses said it then seemed Paulino's mustache began to fall off on one side, prompting him to quickly scurry away from the press conference.

A White House statement later confirmed that the president understood little of what Paulino had said but wanted to nominate someone with a Spanish name to make up for recent scandals stemming from his immigration policies.

At publishing time, Senator Rand Paul had announced a full investigation into Ronaldo Paulino's qualifications because he seemed strangely familiar.


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