SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In response to an increase in angry mobs combing the platform for old tweets to try to cause someone to lose their job, Twitter has introduced a timed auto-delete option for your tweets so a bad joke you make now won’t come back and haunt you, getting you fired in a decade or so.
When posting a tweet on the site, a checkbox appears, allowing you to set a time to delete the tweet.
“While there are third-party solutions for automatically removing old tweets, we felt it was time to acknowledge that our platform is packed with raging mobs of angry people with nothing better to do than to find an off-color or crass remark you made years ago and get you fired,” Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey said in a press conference. “Now, every Twitter user will be offered the chance to save their future career each and every time they tweet with our helpful, easy-to-use checkbox.”
Dorsey also said he recommended scheduling your tweets for deletion no more than a year out.
“These mobs are crazy,” he said, “and with our rapidly changing cultural values, something you say today could get you fired sometime in 2019.”
“You can’t be too careful,” he added.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.