Now that former President Trump has officially been indicted, everyone wants to know how this whole ordeal will unfold. Here are the nine things that will be happening next:
- Trump will take the best, most beautiful mugshot the world has ever seen - that NFT is going to be YUGE.
- The entire NYPD will wait in line to take selfies with him - it's tough being a hated criminal.
- Trump will be stripped nude and marched through the city with a pagan priest yelling "shame!" and ringing a bell - pretty standard.
- Trump's lawyers will file to dismiss the case on the grounds that a man and his mistress can't be charged with the same crime - checkmate, Alvin!
- The judge will then determine Trump's guilt by having him tossed into the Hudson to see if he floats - luckily, Big Macs are pretty buoyant.
- Trump will be thrown in jail, where Epstein's prison guards will be called out of retirement for one last mission - uh oh!
- Dementors will attempt to suck Trump's life force away, but he will ward them off with a patronus of himself - we hear it takes the shape of a buffalo.
- Trump will escape prison by slowly tunneling his way out behind a poster of Stormy Daniels - brilliant.
- Every other politician will also be arrested for their crimes - hahahaha just kidding!
It's going to be a wild few weeks! Buckle up!!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
