PALM BEACH, FL — Trump is courting controversy again after bragging during an interview with Megyn Kelly that he could abort a baby on Fifth Avenue and not lose any voters.
"MAGA voters are LOYAL and they will STICK WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT," Trump said in a post to his Truth Social account. "I could literally support the murder of a baby with a HEARTBEAT on FIFTH AVENUE and it wouldn't make a difference because my voters know we're going to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, AGAIN. I will abandon everything my voters stand for and I will still have the BIGGEST most BEAUTIFUL election win in history!"
Many are questioning the wisdom of Trump's forceful betrayal of pro-life values. "On the surface, it would seem counterproductive to offend nearly all of your supporters," said D.C. consultant Adam Kinnunen. "But Trump knows better than anyone that there are good people on both sides of the baby murder issue. Perhaps courting both sides will work for him. We really have no idea what we're talking about though, so you probably shouldn't listen to us."
Early polls after Trump's statement indicate he has lost support, plunging from 97.8% support among conservative Evangelicals to a woeful 97.7%.
At publishing time, the Trump campaign was reportedly preparing to push this new strategy even further, with plans to require rally attendees to wear masks, show proof of vaccination, and pledge allegiance to the Pride flag.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!