WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Donald Trump has been having trouble lately with one key demographic: suburban women. In a sure bet to win them over, Trump will be starring in his very own series of steamy romance novels.
“If there’s one thing suburban women love,” Trump told the press, “it’s a steamy romance novel where women get to imagine themselves with a real winner instead of their loser husbands who remind them of Sleepy Joe.”
In the first novel, Orange Passion, a woman is stolen away by dashing pirate Donald Trump into a bodice-ripping adventure. The first installment will be followed by other novels starring Trump in different time periods -- such as Trump as a cowboy and Trump as a duke -- though Trump has specified none will have sci-fi or fantasy elements, since “that’s for dorks.”
“So now women are going to fantasize about me!” Trump added, “That's pretty usual for me. I’m used to it. But they’ll be able to make that fantasy a reality on Election Day.” Trump then winked and said, “Remember: The voting booth is private.”
The Biden campaign says they’re not worried about Trump’s new tactics since Biden always likes to “sneak up on women from behind” anyway.