WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Tuesday the signing of an executive order to bring back racist pro sports team names, effective immediately.
"Those woke losers thought they won," Trump told reporters at the Oval Office signing. "They thought they won hard, but we're not going to let them win. I'm bringing back the Cleveland Indians, the Washington Redskins, and some of the ones most people have forgotten about. Remember the Boston Beaneaters? We're bringing 'em back, me boys."
Trump touted the move as a giant leap forward in fighting back against leftists in the culture wars that dominated the sports world for more than a decade.
"They tried to take everything away from us. But they couldn't do it. My administration is bringing back all the racist names, even the ones they won't let you say on ESPN. Right back where they should be. They said it couldn't be done. But I did it. We will also be unveiling new racist names for future sports teams, just to make the liberals mad. Woke is dead now."
Reaction to the news was mixed.
"I, uh, I don't know if I can say some of these out loud," sports fan Kirk Manley said. "There are a few that contain slurs even a hardcore conservative like myself just don't want to say."
At publishing time, Trump had announced another executive order to bring back Negro League baseball.
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