WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump signed a controversial executive order this morning banning couples from posting mushy, sappy public posts on each other's Facebook walls.
The executive order immediately instructs couples to use the private message feature if they want to say something cute or romantic, or even just talk to their significant other in person or on the phone.
"Frankly, I can't stand the couples posting on each other's walls," Trump said as he signed the order. "Can't stand it. It's the worst. We're making America great again by stopping the public displays of affection once and for all."
"Many are calling this the greatest executive order of all time."
While most things Trump does are opposed by Democrats no matter what they are, this move gained significant bipartisan support. "Yeah, he's right on this one," said Nancy Pelosi. "We must come together to end Facebook PDA. Like, seriously, your husband or wife is, like, probably in the same room as you. What's the deal with the mushy posts?"
Trump says he is considering banning clap emojis between words next.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.