Politics
Trump Reveals First 10 Items On His Agenda For When He's Reinstated As President In August

Trump is going to be reinstated as president this August, reliable sources have informed us -- the best sources, everyone says so. When this happens, he has a lot of work to do returning America to its former greatness. Luckily, high-energy Trump is up to the task. He has already released a list of the first ten things on his agenda for when he gets back in office later this summer:

1. Re-drain the swamp. - There's been a lot of swamp build-up over the past few months -- time to start re-draining!

2. Nuke a blue state as a warning to the rest of the blue states. - California will do nicely.

3. Un-gay the military. - Trump says he will make the military the straightest it's ever been!

4. Sign an executive order bringing back Aunt Jemima, Mr. Potato Head, and Uncle Ben. - Wow! Promises made, promises kept!

5. Lock up Hillary but for real this time. - Lock her up, but actually do it!

6. Order ten new seasons of Firefly. - A move that will gain our true president real bipartisan support.

7. Build 500 new pipelines making gas plummet to a dime a gallon. - It's a foolproof plan.

8. Jail everyone involved in The Last Jedi Starting with the ringleader Rian Johnson.

9. Make America great again again. - There's a lot of work to do to make America great again, again, but Trump is up to the job. Again.

10. Wipe away every tear. - He will also make the lion lie down with the lamb.

We. Can't. Wait!

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