CHICAGO, IL — Local police successfully dispersed the mob at a "teen takeover" event in the downtown area Friday night by firing thousands of job applications directly into the crowd.
The incident initially involved hundreds of youth blocking traffic, blasting music, and filming TikTok dances on top of city buses. Witnesses said that the scene shifted instantly when police unloaded with stacks of entry-level job applications.
"It was panic, wonderful, wonderful panic," said Officer Marcus Martinez. "The moment those sheets of paper hit the air, the crowd scattered in absolute terror. Not one of them would touch an application. Chick-fil-A, McDonald's, Taco Bell. No one there wanted anything to do with them."
Aerial footage showed dozens of teenagers fleeing the scene in horror, some covering their eyes to avoid catching a glimpse of an actual job application.
"I almost got hit by one," said visibly shaken 17-year-old Brayden Taylor. "It asked for 'relevant experience.' I don't even know what that means, bro. I'm just trying to film a TikTok dance, not explain where I see myself in five years. This is police brutality."
At publishing time, police had reportedly dispersed another takeover crowd by threatening to take all the teens' phones away for 30 minutes.
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