WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a long-rumored shake-up at a high-level position in his administration, President Donald Trump announced that he had replaced Attorney General Pam Bondi with a broom in a blonde wig.
According to White House sources, the president hoped that the personnel shift would do a better job leading the Department of Justice than Bondi has over the past year.
"That other gal has been a disappointment," Trump told reporters. "Instead, I picked out this broom and put a nice blonde wig on top. See? It's so easy. The blonde hair makes it beautiful. And since it's a broom, it can help clean up messes in the federal government. Believe me, folks, it took me a while to find this solution, but now that the broom is in charge of the DOJ, everything will be the most cleaned-up it's been, maybe ever."
Trump said that the broom was capable of handling all of Bondi's duties satisfactorily and is also a joy to work with.
"Meetings with the AG are better than ever before," Trump said. "Our new broom has got a great personality and fantastic hair. Quite frankly, this was a fantastic personnel choice, if you ask me. Best of luck to Pam Bondi. She may have had blonde hair, but I think we'll get more done with the broom."
At publishing time, President Trump had changed his mind and had Marco Rubio don a blonde wig to take over the broom's job.
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