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Christian Living
Trump Loses Christians' Support After Failing To Properly Execute Sidehug

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Christians' support for President Trump has remained steadfast, despite one rocky patch when Trump suggested Chick-fil-A wasn't as good as McDonald's.

But he may finally have found the straw that broke the camel's back: failing to execute a godly, Christian sidehug properly.

The incident occurred while Trump was congratulating the Nationals for their recent World Series championship. Trump went in for the traditional Christian greeting, the sidehug, on Nationals player Kurt Suzuki and somehow managed to wrap him up in a strange, handsy chest lock.

"I used to think Trump was one of us," said Peter Mercer, a believer from Montgomery, Alabama. "But then I saw him lock Suzuki up in this bizarre hug thing and I realized he has no fruit of salvation."

"It's obvious that Trump is unregenerate, for he does not know our sacred greeting," said one reverend in Minnesota. "When you go to greet a brother or sister in the faith, you always must present your side rather than bumping front to front. Or... well, whatever Trump was doing."

Trump disagrees with the criticism and says it was a "perfect, beautiful" hug.

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