WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Donald Trump instantly solved the stock market crisis today by instructing aides to turn the stock market charts they were showing him upside down and backward.
Trump seemed grumpy as they showed him how all the stock markets had seemed to crash. But the president -- the most genius president ever -- is an outside-the-box thinker and approached the problem with a unique solution.
"Turn that bad boy over and let's see how it looks," Trump said. "And maybe flip it horizontally too. There. Much better - greatest stock market gains, maybe ever!"
"Problem solved," he added as he left the briefing. "Can't have an economy dip if we just turn that bad boy around."
Trump is also requesting that all time-lapse videos demonstrating the spread of Coronavirus simply be played in reverse to show how it's now being eradicated.