EL PASO, TX - Sporting a safety helmet and holding blueprints in his naturally-tanned hands, former president Donald J. Trump gave orders to busy construction crews as work began on a project that may very well save Democracy as we know it: a much higher border wall to keep out President Biden's migrant flights into the heart of America.
"I love all immigrants, probably more than anyone, even the illegal ones, which they are, they are illegal, very, very illegal. This is a nation of laws, the very best laws, including some of my own laws, actually," said Trump as the first section of 30,000-foot high wall was hoisted into place by a bunch of construction cranes stacked on top of each other. "My father was an immigrant, so I know exactly what these poor Mexicans are going through as they trek on foot from South America and Haiti."
When asked if he was concerned about Trump building a wall to stop the covert flights shuttling illegal immigrants under cover of night into cities across the U.S., as confirmed by video evidence and eyewitness reports, President Biden insisted there was no border crisis, no migrant flights, no illegal immigrants, no border, no airplanes, and no president.
At publishing time, Trump's new wall had already proved an effective deterrent as three planes had crashed into it.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
