WASHINGTON, D.C.—Doctor Anthony Fauci has led President Trump’s Coronavirus Task Force for months, but there have been indications that Trump is dissatisfied with Fauci’s performance. The latest is that Trump has demoted Fauci from doctor to dentist.
“This isn’t a reflection on Dr. Fauci’s performance,” Trump told the press. “I just think he stinks, and I hate him. So now he’s not a real doctor anymore. He’s just a dentist.”
The demotion caught Dr. Fauci by surprise, as it involved Trump tackling Fauci, grabbing his wallet, and then pulling out his medical license and ripping it up (though what Trump ripped up may have been Fauci’s health insurance card). Trump then yelled at him, “Now you’re not a doctor! You can just be a... dentist. There's less you can screw up with teeth.”
“Well, I’m not sure you can do that,” Fauci said. “But I also have been meaning to tell you that you really need to brush more.”
“Shut up, Fauci!”
Fauci has been placed in the White House basement with a chair and a drill. The first examination, cleaning, and X-ray are only $79.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.