WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has officially challenged Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen to a ping pong match, winner takes Greenland.
With negotiations stalled and both sides hoping to avoid a military showdown, Trump suggested a high-stakes game of ping pong to resolve the dispute.
"Let's settle this like men," said Trump, brandishing his custom paddle. "One game of pong to decide it all. I'm incredible at ping pong, even better than I am at golf, if you can believe it. I'll take on anyone, any time, any where, even this Prime Minister lady. They have a lady Prime Minister over there, which is fine, I don't judge. I have no problem beating a lady. No best-of-seven crap -- just one match, winner takes all."
According to White House sources, Trump has spent the past few days brushing up on his table tennis skills in anticipation of the potential showdown. "Watching Trump play ping pong, you can hardly believe your eyes," said aide Tom Barton. "It's like watching Forrest Gump times a million. His serve is basically impossible to return, it has so much spin on it. It defies the laws of physics. Frederiksen has no idea what she's in for."
At publishing time, Frederiksen had counter-offered a speedskating match to determine Greenland's fate.
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