MAR-A-LAGO, FL — The Senate race in Georgia has been called for Democrat Raphael Warnock, making this the second Republican loss in a row for that seat. Former President Trump soon took to Truth Social to remind the country that no other president has managed to lose the Senate even after being president.
"They said it couldn't be done, but I did it — a tremendous accomplishment, frankly. I lost Georgia twice. Can you believe it? It's true. No one could do that but me. No one is better at losing Senate races than I am," said Trump. "They all said 'Oh! Oh Donald you can't do that! That would be bad! But we proved them wrong! This is all a part of my 4D chess plan to make America great again!"
Trump then announced he has a list of potential new candidates to run against Warnock in the next election — including Dr. Phil, OJ Simpson, and Carrot Top, who according to Trump, has said some "very nice" things about him. "Carrot Top, yes, Carrot Top, he's a very fine person who supports MAGA. Will make a great Senator, way better than Weird Warnock. Weird Warnock, I call him. Great nickname."
At publishing time Trump had also endorsed Charlie Sheen to run against Fetterman in PA.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
