WASHINGTON, D.C.—The president is currently being held in the White House Medical Unit after suffering severe burns. The burns have been connected to a recent event at which President Donald Trump was seen signing people's Bibles in the aftermath of a deadly Alabama tornado.
After Trump signed the Bibles and began his return journey to the White House, he began to complain of an itch on his hand that started to run all the way up his arm.
Then, just as Trump was getting ready to tear into his customary Big Mac, his arm burst into flames. "Agggghh!!!" Trump cried, attempting to put the fire out with his Diet Coke. Aides rushed to his side but were unable to quench the supernatural fire, and the president was rushed to the WHMU for immediate emergency treatment.
Trump will reportedly be discharged soon under strict instructions to sign only copies of Art of the Deal and issues of Playboy.