PALM BEACH, FL — Following a 6-3 ruling from the United States Supreme Court protecting him from prosecution for official acts done while in office, former President Donald Trump released a public statement in which he announced that he is now the most immune president in history.
The ruling appears to provide significant protection for Trump in some of his legal matters, leading him to declare himself, as the rightful president, fully immune from everything he has ever done or ever will do.
"It's the greatest, most beautiful ruling of all time, and I now have the most incredible immunity," Trump said in his official statement. "The Supreme Court, which I filled with tremendous and brilliant judges, has now made me the most immune president in the history of the United States, which is a great honor. I am now officially immune from everything I have ever done, including looking at the solar eclipse without any eye protection. So immune. Totally immune, they said. No one's ever said that before. Incredible."
Historians said the ruling would empower Trump to cast off any restraint in a potential second term. "This really opens the floodgates," said one political scholar. "If Trump gets back into office, the gloves will be off and he will be completely immune. Releasing secret government files on UFOs, revealing secrets from the JFK assassination, publishing the Colonel's secret blend of 11 herbs and spices… it's all fair game now. He will be all-powerful."
At publishing time, reports circulated that Trump was floating the idea of signing an executive order making the McRib available on the McDonald's menu on a permanent basis.
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