OTTAWA - As Prime Minister Justin Trudeau continues his effort to impose authoritarian rule in Canada, he is beginning to face some challenges. "The Royal Canadian Mounties are just not that good at goose-stepping," said a disappointed Trudeau. "For some reason, it doesn't come naturally to them, which is such a shame since goosestepping is very intimidating to racist, homophobic insurgents calling for 'freedom,' whatever that is."
Reports have begun to surface that a new "Intro To Goose-Stepping" course has been made mandatory at the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) Training Academy in Regina, Saskatchewan. Training instructor Reginald Breslin told reporters, "It's true. We've begun the goose-step training, as ordered by our Dear Leader, that's what we have to call him now. And it's not going great. The high leg kicking thing done in perfect formation is not easy. Especially when on horseback. But we'll get there. It's what The Gardener Of Human Happiness - we can also call him that - says he wants, so we have to do it."
Apparently, goose-stepping is not the only area in which Prime Minister Trudeau is turning to German history for inspiration. He recently raised the possibility of "Anschluss" (reunification) with Austria, but aides explained to him that such a move might not be feasible at the current time, so plans were tabled for the moment.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
