OTTAWA - After emerging from his top-secret underground hiding hole, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau gave a fiery speech before the House of Commons. In it, he demanded truckers stop shutting down the city, in order to give the government room to shut down the city instead.
"Let me be clear," said the frail little socialist girl claiming to be Trudeau. "Shutting down roads, limiting people's movement, restricting people's freedom, and shutting down the city is unacceptable. It's the government's job to do that. We must break the back of this fascist blockade so that I may freely shut down roads, limit people's movement, restrict people's freedom, and shut down the city." Trudeau then dropped his mic and tried to exit the building, but got stuck trying to push on a door that said "pull."
Upon hearing his statement, several dozen people in Ottawa's House of Commons and The National Capitol Building of Cuba stood to their feet and cheered.
Trudeau is promising to give the people more of what they want if the Freedom Convoy is defeated. "I promise you more mask mandates, more forced vaccinations, and more firings! SCIENCE!" said the Prime Minister before slipping on a banana peel and falling face-first down the stairs.
When reached for comment, truckers released an official statement: "HONK! HONK!"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
