OTTAWA — After an embarrassing incident in which the Canadian government honored a Nazi SS veteran in parliament, Canada's dictator Justin Trudeau attempted to distract from the controversy by unveiling some cool new facial hair.
"If there's anything that has been a real asset to me in my career, it's my beautiful Cuban hair," said Trudeau to official state media reporters. "Canadians will swoon when they see my sexy new mustache and all will be forgiven! Wenn du wie die Sonne strahlen willst, musst du zuerst so brennen!"
Hundreds of gathered supporters gasped with delight upon seeing Trudeau's new look for the first time.
Members of the Liberal Party of Canada applauded the deft move by Trudeau, praising his new look as "sophisticated," "alluring," and "wunderbar." "We are so grateful to our beloved Trudeau for helping Canada move past this dark and humiliating chapter," said MP Anna Gainey. "Just look at him! He's so dreamy, eh?"
At publishing time, Trudeau attempted to further make amends for the shameful incident by instituting a day of remembrance in honor of the guy who killed Hitler.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
