ORLANDO, FL — After managing to hide his true gender while winning a women's golf tournament, local man Hailey Davidson was outed as a man after flawlessly parallel parking his golf cart as he was leaving the course.
"That's no woman! It's a man!" cried onlookers as the cart whipped into perfect position. "We've been had... no wonder he's six-foot-four and drives the ball three hundred yards!"
According to sources, Davidson had previously competed as a male golfer before one day realizing that golf was easier if you hit from the women's tees. "That's when it clicked," said Davidson in a rich baritone voice. "I shaved several strokes off my golf game instantly. It's an incredible golf hack -- I'm honestly surprised I was the first person to figure it out."
With a skirt thrown over his muscular legs, Davidson had passed himself off as a woman throughout the tournament despite towering over the competition and looking like a dude. "I had my suspicions when Davidson chugged a six-pack of Coors Light on the back nine and then peed in the rough on 17," said fellow competitor Lacy Armstrong. "Then he zipped that cart right into the perfect parallel parking space, and I knew."
At publishing time, Davidson had announced he was now a seventy-year-old woman after realizing playing from the senior's tees could shave another three strokes.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.