U.S. - In the wake of destruction left by a vicious tornado, the Biden administration is taking steps to protect residents from the real threat, replacing all tornado sirens with climate change alarms.
"Tornadoes never existed before the invention of coal, think about that," said local climate activist and climate change alarm inventor, Sola Pannelle. "And science has proven that the climate never even changed until the day Henry Ford was born."
In a demonstration of the climate alarm's efficacy in saving countless lives, Pannelle pulled a set of keys to a Ford F-350 Supercrew and jingled them in her hand.
"HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU!" blared the town's climate change alarms in the distinct voice of climate activist, Greta Thunberg. Fearful residents were seen turning off their vehicles and scrambling for cover, proving the alarm's effectiveness.
The Biden administration also confirmed that drinking from a plastic straw will cause the alarms to blast a lecture by Al Gore.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
