MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Following recent developments stemming from political protests and clashes with the federal government across the state, Minnesota announced that it had changed the official state bird to a screaming lesbian.
After the recent spate of screaming lesbians, state officials agreed that a change was needed to modernize the official state bird and make it more fitting and identifiable as embodying what everyone thinks of when they think of Minnesota.
"It's much more of a natural fit," Governor Tim Walz said in a statement to reporters. "Yes, we've had the loon as our state bird for many years, and it has served us well. And while the case could be made that the loon very much still represents everything about Minnesota, we feel that the screaming lesbian is a fabulous step forward for both our state and for screaming lesbians."
Other state leaders paid respect to the loon for symbolizing Minnesota for so long, but acknowledged that the screaming lesbian was a more progressive change. "We've loved the loon, but we're excited about the screaming lesbians," said Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey. "The screaming lesbian has become such a staple of our great state, and naming it our official state bird further weaves it into the very fabric of Minnesota. Surprisingly, the screaming lesbians are also far more populous than the loons, so it's perfect."
At publishing time, when a group of birdwatchers spotted and approached a screaming lesbian in a Minneapolis park Friday morning, it reportedly responded to their presence with its traditional call of, "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
AI won't take these jobs!
