SEATTLE, WA—There's a hot new tourist destination this summer: the ancient ruins of CHAZ/CHOP in present-day Seattle.
The ancient country was once a bustling center of commerce and trade, its chief export being outrage and its chief import being everything needed to survive like food, shelter, and water.
"Look at the remains of this ancient, primitive civilization -- it's quite fascinating," said one woman as she pointed to a sea of abandoned tents. "They seem to have nearly discovered the secret of fire. Though it appears they used it mainly to light up these bongs over here."
A tour guide led vacationers through historic sites like the place where Warlord Raz Simone was coronated and several crime scenes police weren't able to get to in time because they weren't allowed in.
Remains of the country's once-great wall are a highlight of any visit to ancient CHAZ. You can still make out primitive scrawlings on the wall reading things like "DEFUND THE POLICE" and "PEACEFUL ZONE -- COPS DON'T COME IN HERE OR WE'LL KILL YOU."
"It's almost like they were trying to communicate -- interesting."
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.