MAPLESBURG, CA - Sources at Pointecross Community Church confirmed this past Sunday that a guy sitting in the front row must be a "complete and total noob."

Everyone walking into church spotted the guy sitting front and center and knew right away he was new there.

"What a noob!" said one church member when he walked in and saw the visitor sitting up front. "This guy obviously has no idea what's going on around here. Clearly the guy's not a Christian. Probably can't even spell Bible or VBS. Sad!"

Pastors, elders, and deacons all saw him sitting up there and shook their heads in silent judgment, knowing the man was obviously on his way to hell.

It was also obvious that he was a noob because he showed up to the service on time, was drinking coffee in the sanctuary, and attentively listened to all the announcements.