Hey there! Are you a minority? Then you're in luck! Benevolent politicians are working for you. This is the best time to be a minority because if there's one thing we know about politicians, it's that they care!
Here are just a few of the things our politicians are doing for minorities:
- They give you fun new nicknames like "breakfast taco": Now people can know how colorfully diverse your culture is!
- They carry around hot sauce in their purses: They're just like you!
- They will never hold you accountable for anything: Unless you're Asian.
- They identify you by the color of your skin rather than the content of your character: Just as Martin Luther King envisioned.
- They end the genocide of your race by relabeling it "women's healthcare": Yay, abortion!
- They work tirelessly to make you dependent on the government: And then once you're dependent on the government, they'll tell you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Confusing!
- They will destroy your job, which gives you the chance to reflect on what's most important in life: Do you really need food, anyway?
- Reparations are coming your way for something, probably: Just keep punching that ballot! We're sure they're coming! Any day now...
- Dodging bullets in Chicago is a great exercise: And Detroit is an epic obstacle course!
NOT SATIRE: A message from Candace Owens, the Co-Founder of the BLEXIT Foundation!
Woke radicals are attacking the nuclear family and dividing Black America. Our education system is brainwashing students in urban communities to believe in a culture of victimhood, despise America, and embrace an anti-family woke ideology.
That's why I co-founded the BLEXIT Foundation. The BLEXIT movement is the "Black Exit" from victimhood and brainwashing from the media and education system. My organization empowers young minorities with a message of Faith, Family, and Freedom.
Please help me fight back against these radicals by empowering young people with our message. I'm asking the Babylon Bee to help me raise $10,000 for the BLEXIT Foundation. You can donate $10, $50, $100, $500, $1,000 or even more by clicking here.
Thank you so much for your support!
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!