Have you ever been in a prayer circle where someone says he or she has an "unspoken" prayer request? Aren't you dying to know what it was? Was it something spicy? Something scandalous? Something gross? Now, you can find out, as we've compiled the top 10 most popular unspoken prayer requests, per a heavenly source:
1. Porn addiction.
2. Weird fungus on toes.
3. Prayer that God will mercifully end this prayer circle that has been going on for like 20 minutes now
4. That Trump would be reinstated to his rightful place as the true president.
5. Also porn.
6. That somehow you'll run into Tulsi Gabbard and your eyes will meet and there will be this instant unspoken connection and attraction.
8. For Aunt Edna's cousin Steve, whose roommate Charlie, bless his heart, took his dog in for eye surgery but there were complications and now he has to give him eye drops twice a week, but see, he hasn't been able to pay as much attention to his pet cat Garlic, and she's just kind of getting really depressed and I'm really worried about her.
9. That God would put it on the worship leader's heart not to play "Way Maker" this Sunday.
10. That Jesus will return before some Hollywood exec gets the bright idea to reboot Back to the Future. Oh, and also, porn.
Super interesting, and good to know. Also, fellas, stop looking at porn. Seriously.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.